Anchor

I slowly walk the edge of the ocean.
In the past I was frantic,
trying to collect my things before they float away.
Let them go.
I see that these things that I cling to
keep me stuck here.
I will float away
and maybe that'll be fine.
Even if it isn't I'll know
for once I am no longer sinking.
I watch you and I often wonder.
Are you choosing to sink?
The anchor is not tight,
you can just wiggle out.
Do you dare?
It doesn't matter anymore.
Save yourself,
no one else ever will.
This I know as fact.

dirty window

Watching out the window
I see the black and white dance of life.
While staring at my hand in vivid color,
I wonder why I'm different.
People trip over nothing next to me
while others die with a smile.
So strange this life is.
I spent a majority of my life
trying to change others.
I can't.
I know this now.
I will change myself and evolve.

7 steps to walk away

I watch your eyeballs bounce.
Do I scare you?
I should.
You have made me a cannon.
When I go off it won't be good.
You know this,
yet you push.
Changing direction now,
you were never worth the ammo.
I cement this cannon shut.
No longer will I aim to destroy.
I planted a garden in your name.
Not because you are worth it,
but because I am aiming high now.
I am better without knowing it.
I never had to tell you
because you knew this all along.
Hate yourself instead.
I never stepped in your way
as you did with me.
Remember that.

Ripped postcard

I follow all the right tunnels,
none ever have what I am looking for at the end.
He whispers to me ,
yet the redundancy makes my mind drift.
Oh look how shiny!
The sparkle fades and I mourn.
With a life this crazy you'd think I'd have stories,
but I don't.
You track my moves like an animal,
waiting for my failures.
I googled myself yesterday.
Odd. abrasive. Intrusive.
But that's what you wanted!
Did I?
Will you remember me tomorrow
if I were to cure a disease?
No, but you'd remember only failures
and when I fell on my face.
But this is okay with me.
Acceptance is half the battle.
Why try to change,
when the end is always so clear?
Mark this words,
I chose this.
Kick it around for awhile
until it means something to you.
Because obviously I don't,
nor do you to me.

Got a big mouth,
doesn't mean I have to use it.
I would be a copy
of you and your games.
My thoughts have changed,
and changed many others also.
I evolve because I choose to
not cause I have to.
The time is here now.
So tired of looking back
I feel I need to run.
Do I need direction?
Not anymore.
The wind will steer my sails,
and this is fine.
I won't stay here floating
only to drown with you later.

Salted Promises

I sailed twice around you before you even noticed that I was there. I braved many waves, all of them threatening to take my life. Soaked and tired, I looked up awaiting your approval. Nothing.
The sun rose a different color today. I charted a different course, hoping for a new beginning. I still saw some threatening seas, but I reminded myself that they were nothing that I hadn't conquered before. This was nice. I finally was validated, by myself.

I read in the paper that you drowned. You were so desperately trying to fix your hair and your makeup as the waves hit you in the face. You yelled to your crew how wrong they were, and if they had listened to you that this mess wouldn't have happened. Hate to tell you, but you can't stop the inevitable. You placed blame till your last breath, it's funny really. I won't go to your funeral, as I wouldn't grovel at your feet. You have nothing I want or need, nor did you ever. Your weaknesses you wore like a tattered suit jacket. Why did you choose to be so gaudy and inappropriate? Wrong place, wrong time.

No longer will you place your cancerous thoughts in my mind.

Newness

I hated you,
so I changed myself.
I hated what I saw around me,
so I looked harder at myself.
What I saw amazed me.
I saw repetition.
I saw selfishness.
I saw doubt.
I saw exhaustion.
So I ran the opposite way.
I changed everything.
Nothing repeated.
I gave till there was nothing.
Shoulders back I ran without direction.
Still tired, I am fulfilled.
Judge me if you need to,
if you can sleep that way.
Don't ask me to lie for you anymore.
My patterns are permanently broken.

Eyes Open

Pushing forward
No I'm not going away
Waited for too long
Come too far
Tried too hard
Your opinion is obsolete
So laugh and point
I don't care
You don't hold me back
I do
Not anymore
I have been scared
to grow up
to make up
to give in
to surrender
to try
to waste away
But I've stayed frozen
which is just as bad
I won't
freeze here
take your crap
feel less than you
feel hopeless
Because I see
what you tried to block
I'm pushin past
I see it now
I believe it
I will be it
You just watch

scissors

You cut me out,
but now I've got my glue.
Time to reappear
and make the picture complete.
Too many holes in the story
and there's too many pages left unturned.
I am grabbing the pencil now.
My light sketch will be retraced.
My lines will be bold and bright.
You will see me.
You'll have no choice.

The grey came in
and I was lost in the fog.
The last time you wrote
I just can't recall.
I realized what happened
and how your soul died.
I understand completely,
I just watched and I sighed.
I dodged that bullet,
I am thankful for that.
I just got hotter,
and you just got fat.
I can laugh at it all.
You are what you hate.
You sold it all
for a life that's half rate.
That's cool if you tried
and it's cool if you failed,
just leave me out
when you list the details.
Save the sad stories,
and how I didn't care enough.
Save the fakeness concern,
now that you're tough.
I burnt this bridge
and ran for my life yelling.
You entered the darkness,
craving what it was selling.